it doesn't matter
by MrJamesileee
Summary: NOTE: this fiction is based upon the US version of Mistresses, not the BBC version. So the character selection says it's about Jessica and Alex but it's actually about Josslyn and Alex, that is until there is a separate category for the US version. This is just a look at the progressing relationship between Joss and Alex, and what that impending relationship means for each of them.
1. Chapter 1

This fic (it doesn't matter) is based upon the US version of the TV show mistresses, not the BBC version. There was not a listing for the US version yet, and I'd like to start one. In the meantime, I'm sticking this in the BBC version list because there's nowhere else to put it. It's based on Joss and Alex and what I foresee as their growing relationship. Other characters will be present, but not particularly focused on- Please read and review. I don't want to be the only one who loves this show (this pairing, more than this show) and I'd love to enlighten people to the impending wonder of Joss and Alex.

Joss walked into the pool house to find Alex sitting on the bed, looking more distraught than she had ever seen her. A part of her wanted to rush to the girl, wrap her in her arms and comfort her, despite not knowing the problem. She thought better of it.

"Alex, what's wrong?" The care and concern were evident in her voice nonetheless.

"Sally wants to meet today, to look at a house. We just got off the phone," Alex explained, feeling weak and guilty and showing it.

"So… you're not broken up?" Joss sat down next to her, avoiding eye contact in an attempt to hide the disappointment in hers.

"We are, but Sally thinks it's just a temporary thing. That we just have to get back on track."

"Is that what _you_ think?"

"No," Alex stared at Joss until she finally looked up into her eyes. "I need you to come with me today."

"You're going?! If you don't want to get back together why would you go and meet her?" Joss was so used to carelessly ending relationships (though none of hers had lasted for longer than a month or two) that she was thrown by the idea.

"We need closure. I need to tell her to her face that the person she was with isn't who I am anymore," Alex said, desperate for the girl to understand.

"Then why do you need me to come with you?"

"To keep me strong," Alex almost smiled sadly. "You know Sally. You know how hard she's going to try and you know how persuasive she can be. I fell into a pattern of listening to whatever she said and following it, so I need you there to be my strength."

"You have to be your own strength, Alex. I can't do it for you."

"I know. And _you_ taught me that," Alex smiled, touching Joss's hand. "I just need you there to remind me that I'm not weak anymore. That I don't _have_ to be. I'll take care of it myself, but I just can't let her win me over."

Joss looked at her skeptically, but the girl's hand was still gently wrapped around her own.

"Please?"

"Okay."

The car ride home was silent, but not necessarily awkward. Both Alex and Joss had a lot on their minds after things had gotten heated with Sally- and after Joss had gotten called out. Apparently Sally blamed Joss for everything, but mostly for trying to win Alex over, pull her away from her, because she was falling in love with her, she said. But Josslyn Carver did _not_ fall in love. Not to mention she was a playa straight girl. Right? Joss was just glad that Sally had the decency to wait until Alex was out of the room to bring this up. But now that Joss thought about it, it wasn't out of decency at all; it was out of fear. Sally was afraid that Alex was falling in love, too.

"I'm sorry you fought with Sally," Joss said suddenly, breaking the silence. It wasn't like Joss to naturally think and care about another person over herself, but for some reason with Alex she had no choice. Each time that she was thinking about her own uncomfortable interaction with Sally, along with all the questions in her mind, her thoughts would drift back to poor Alex. She had gone there looking for closure, to move on, but had gotten berated by the one who had supposedly loved her instead.

"Don't be sorry, Joss. You're sweet, though," Alex smiled for a moment. "I got what I wanted. It's over. And I don't have to feel like a coward anymore."

"You were never a coward," Joss defended instinctively.

"I was. I let her have all the say and walk all over me. At least if she belittled me today, I finally know it was for the last time." A wide, peaceful smile spread across Alex's face and she rested her head back, watching Joss as she drove, the sun shining orange on her face. "Thank you."

"For what?" Joss scoffed, but chanced a sideways smile at the girl anyway.

"For everything. For being you. For making me question the things that obviously weren't right in my life but that I was too scared to change." Alex told her.

"But _you_ did it, Alex. All of it."

"Because you showed me that I _could_."


	2. Chapter 2

_here's a quick filler chapter for you. i've been writing this like crazy, but honestly the show moved along with it so quickly (and I usually complain that shows take too long) that i didn't know exactly where to jump back in. let me know what you think. i'm sorry alex isn't in this chapter, but she will be the star of all the following chapters, i promise. this is just a necessary internal/explanatory chapter. i hope you're not bored with it. please read and review. i really want to build this ship. everyone deserves to see and love joss and alex. thanks._

Josslyn Carver had had a lot of what some could consider 'random' (and often hot) sex in her life. But never had she had more random (or hotter) sex than she did when Alex decided to invite herself into her shower. Joss honestly didn't know what to think at first. So many things were running through her very sexually-oriented brain at such a pace that she couldn't keep them straight (literally, as it turned out).

As Alex stood in front of her, Joss took a moment to contemplate the situation, and where she should go with it. Was this a good idea? Okay, honestly, that's all the further the contemplation went, because Joss's gaze kept unintentionally jumping from Alex's lust-filled eyes to her beautiful (and until now, hidden) body. Joss was toast.

X x x

"And what happened between us, that can just be fun, right? I had _fun_."

Alex's words kept running through Joss's mind, not because they were hurtful or untrue, but because they were _so_ true. Not only sex with Alex, but just being with Alex in general was very fun for Joss. So fun that it seemed all she wanted to do was be around the girl, and that thought scared her, whether she would admit it to herself or not.

Joss seemed to remain in a fog for days after the shower encounter, even after she and Alex had hung out many times and easily proven that nothing had to get weird or change between them. She was so lost in her thoughts now that she didn't even realize that she had been living in a daze.

"Joss? Hello? Are you with us?" Savi chuckled, drawing her sister's attention as they sat with April and Karen at April's store.

Joss had forgotten that she was even there with the women. How long had she been out this time?

"You okay?" Savi tried again.

"I slept with Alex."

Joss had blurted it out before she could even notice to stop herself. Though, she had never been one for censorship.

"What?! When?" Savi gasped, but Karen and April were obviously confused.

"A few days ago," Joss told her.

"Who's Alex and why is Joss sleeping with someone suddenly a big deal?" April asked, not being rude- just curious.

Savi raised an eyebrow at Joss, in her own way challenging, 'Yeah, Joss, tell them who Alex is.'

"Alex is a client of mine. Well, _was _a client," Joss began cautiously, wondering how to approach the explanation.

"And you've never slept with a client before," Karen nodded, reasoning.

"Oh. No, I have," Joss shrugged.

"You actually care for him, don't you?" Karen asked, her empathy seeing a certain sparkle in Joss's eye that she had certainly never seen before.

"I…I might," Joss's nose scrunched up a bit, as though it pained her to actually admit it aloud. "I might actually care for her…" She said it again as a realization that all of this that she was feeling might mean just that.

"_Her_?!" April and Karen exclaimed in unison.

"And there it is," Savi said, nearly inaudibly.

"How did this happen?" Karen asked, going straight into psychiatrist mode.

"I don't know," Joss shrugged. "It just did. We've been friends for a while now and she just broke up with her horrible girlfriend and it just kind of happened."

"You let yourself be some lesbian rebound?!" April asked, appalled at the thought; not because it was a woman, but because Joss was no one's rebound.

"No! It wasn't like that!" Joss shouted, offended at the thought. So what if they were just friends? So what if it was just for fun? Alex would not use her, and the idea of it made her heart cringe. "God! If I had known that you guys were going to react like this I wouldn't have told you." Joss was obviously hurt, which wasn't something any of the women were used to seeing.

"We're not trying to be any type of way about it, Joss. We're just shocked, I guess," April explained, softening.

"I'm not," Savi said quietly.

"Why shocked? I'm the free-spirit," Joss defended.

"It's not your spirit that I'm shocked by; it's your body," April told her. "You like penis more than anyone I've ever met in my life."

"And you had sex with a woman," Karen added.

"And it was the best sex I've ever had in my life."


	3. Chapter 3

_here's my third installment. please let me know what you like and dislike about the story as a whole. i'm pretty much sticking to canon for now, but that may change. also i'm planning to write a joss/alex story on my own timeline instead of the show's. would anyone be interested in that? thanks for reading and please bear with me; it will get better and more action-packed. thanks._

Joss wasn't sure how or why, but somehow after her huge, emotional fight with Savi she had ended up on Alex's doorstep, the burn of unshed tears still stinging the backs of her eyes. She didn't hesitate to knock, but still found herself trying to dry her eyes and be composed before the girl could answer.

Alex opened the door quickly, her genuine smile upon seeing Joss fading as soon as she saw the wracked emotion on the girl's face.

"Joss, what happened?!" Alex asked, immediately pulling the girl securely inside her home and shutting the door behind them. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Joss scoffed. "It's nothing. Savi is just being _such_ a bitch, and—" Joss tried to play it off, but Alex could see the shine of tears in the girl's big blue eyes threatening to spill over.

"Hey," Alex said softly, stopping Joss's façade, brushing a strand of blond hair away from the girl's face and forcing her sad eyes up to look into her own. "It's me. You don't have to pretend with me, Joss."

Joss broke down instantly upon hearing Alex's sweet and sincere words. It was as though she just needed to know she had permission to let it out before she could allow herself to. Alex pulled her into her arms and held her tightly as she cried. Joss tried to speak occasionally, between sobs, to explain it all away. This was all so unlike her.

"Shh…" Alex soothed, brushing Joss's hair down and rubbing her back as she led them to the couch, where she continued to hold her close. "Take your time. It's okay, baby."

Joss allowed herself to cry it out, which she hadn't done in as long as she could remember. She took a few deep breaths, inadvertently inhaling the distinctive smell of Alex, and calmed easily.

"I'm so sorry," Joss chuckled nervously, suddenly embarrassed by her out of character outburst, wiping the tears violently from her face.

"Hey- hey…" Alex stopped Joss's rough hand with her own, wiping the girl's tears away gently, lovingly, instead. "Don't ever be sorry. Tell me what happened."

Alex and Joss remained comfortably cuddled up on the couch as Joss recounted the events of the fight. After hearing herself say it all aloud, Joss felt like it didn't sound as horrible as it had felt to her at the time. She wasn't sure if that fact made her feel better or worse about the situation.

As the two lie there- Joss absently playing with the buttons on Alex's blouse and Alex running her hands softly through Joss's hair- Joss wondered if this was what it would be like to be in relationship. She'd never been in one, not really, so she couldn't tell. Was this just how female friends were together? She didn't think so. But whatever _this_ was, she loved it.

"We should go dancing. Do you want some wine?" Alex said, distancing herself from Joss suddenly and ripping the girl out of her contemplation.

Joss laughed. "What? And yes, please," she grinned with her respective answers.

"Well, I think you just need a distraction, you know?" Alex said, already in the kitchen somehow, pouring glasses of white wine. "I think that if you don't think about your fight for a little while you'll get a new perspective on it," she said as she walked carefully back to the couch with two nearly full to the brim wine glasses in her hands. "I mean, if you want to stay in, that's fine too. I'm okay with anything. I just don't want you to stew in it and overanalyze." Alex sat back onto the couch, this time with an entire cushion of space between the two of them. Joss couldn't help but notice that she missed the feeling of heat emanating from Alex.

"Do you dance?" Joss asked, unable to hide the slight surprise in her voice.

"Of course I dance! Why is that surprising?" Alex jokingly scoffed.

"You just don't seem like much of a dancer," Joss smirked, taking a gulp of her wine happily.

"Well, Sally didn't dance, so I haven't gone in a long time," Alex admitted, almost sadly. "Maybe 'Alex that was with Sally' didn't dance, but 'post-Sally Alex' certainly does," she smiled, scooting a little bit closer to Joss naturally.

"Well who am I to deny 'post-Sally Alex'? I like her. She's fun," Joss grinned. "I can't wait to see your moves," she laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

_hey, y'all. here's part four. i'm sorry it's getting posted so late in the week. there's a new episode on already tonight and it's supposed to be a good joss/alex one so i'll have new inspiration. i hope you are still enjoying this. it's going to get better soon. thanks for reading. please review. i just want to know where i'm at with the readers so that i can improve accordingly. thanks and enjoy._

Joss and Alex had officially had their first fight. Okay- technically it was their _second_ fight, but only if you counted the 'fake-make out' debacle, which Joss certainly did not.

Going out dancing had turned into Joss drinking too much too quickly and acting like a fool at the bar. It definitely wasn't the first time this had happened in Joss's life, and history had to remind her that it most likely would not be the last. But no one had ever been there to call her out on her ridiculousness before. _Alex_ had never been there before.

After a little too long of Joss trying to show off a little too hard, Alex had had enough. How could she not? She had signed up for a fun, relaxing, distracting night for Joss, and instead she got her friend sloppily grinding all over her in an attempt to turn on strangers. That was not what Alex meant by Joss needing a distraction.

Alex had to admit that she was surprised when Joss had shown up at her door, just a little while after she had angrily left her at the bar. To be honest she had expected her friend to end up going home with one of those guys she was trying to turn on and forgetting that Alex had ever been there. She was happy to find that wasn't the case.

Joss looked sad, worn and guilty when Alex opened her door, and her heart melted a little. It was hard to stay mad at that beautiful, puppy-dog-eyed face. Joss apologized quickly and easily, which impressed Alex slightly; Joss didn't easily apologize for much. Alex told Joss that she didn't blame her for feeling the way she felt regarding her fight with Savi; only for acting out the way she did. She reminded the girl that she may not always be in control of her emotions, but she can always be in control of her behaviour.

"I think you need to talk to Savi," Alex said softly, sitting on the couch with Joss and handing her two aspirin and a tall glass of water.

"You think that I need her to make me a good person too, don't you?" Joss accused sadly, the alcohol remaining in her system keeping her defensive and skeptical.

"Joss?" Alex said, drawing the girl's attention by lifting her chin to be sure she was looking at her and listening. "You're already a good person. A _great_ person. Unfortunately I didn't get to be around to see how much Savi had to do with that," she said, knowing now that Joss was hanging on her words. "You don't need Savi to teach you to be a good person, but that doesn't mean that you don't need her. And it doesn't mean that _she_ doesn't need _you."_

"You really think she needs me?" Joss asked, looking like a sad little girl.

"I know she does. I don't need to know Savi to know that you're both better when you have each other. If you weren't, you wouldn't have been so close your whole lives," Alex smiled, touching Joss's face and causing a smile to creep onto it as well.

"You know you're the best, right?" Joss closed her eyes peacefully, unintentionally leaning into Alex's touch.

"Nah," Alex grinned. "Sometimes you just need a perspective change."

"You're really good to me," Joss said, nearly inaudibly, leaning back into the couch and wrapping her arm around Alex.

"Before you accept that as truth, can I give you a piece of advice?" Alex chuckled.

"Go for it."  
"When you talk to Savi, which you will save for tomorrow, please keep an open mind. Even if she gets weird and defensive, just stay calm and hear her out and tell her honestly how you feel. You think you can do that?"

"I can try, but if she—"

"No," Alex interrupted. "See? Hear her out and I bet she'll hear you out back. And just remember that you're both better when you have each other."

"Are you _never_ irrational?" Joss asked with a smirk.

"Of course I am, but I try to keep it in my head and get rid of it before it makes me act crazy. All the yoga helps," Alex grinned.

"Oh, the _yoga, _huh?" Joss mocked, poking at Alex's ribs.

"I keep telling you to take a class!" Alex laughed, knocking Joss's hand away.

"Maybe I'll finally take you up on that."


	5. Chapter 5 Part 1

_hi guys. first, thank you all SO much for reading/reviewing/following. i love writing this story, and i hope you love reading it. chapter five is going to be in two parts, because it was getting very long, but the two parts were too related to make it two separate chapters. so here's chapter five part one. let me know how you like it. i will deviate a little more from canon in chapter five part two, because although i did love how they did 1x08, i would have done it slightly differently. thanks for reading. enjoy._

Joss _knew_- she just _knew_- that seeing Sally and that silly little Story girl would mess with Alex, and therefore mess up her own plans for the evening. So much for mojitos and _Golden Girls._ Joss saw the look on Alex's face the moment she entered the cramped apartment; Alex's sad eyes glued to the laptop screen. And Joss just _knew_ that damn Sally was to blame.

"Uh oh," Joss said aloud before moving to the couch where she sat with Alex and her laptop.

Yep. Sally had none too subtly cropped Alex out of every picture and suddenly had many pictures of herself and Story in their place. Joss had to admit she couldn't blame Alex for being upset by this; but she still desperately wished that she weren't. They had a big, relaxing night planned, and Joss had _so_ been looking forward to some chill alone time with Alex.

Joss looked up to see Alex's big, beautiful brown eyes threatening to spill over with tears. Joss could not take that sad look on that perfect face. Didn't Alex know how amazing (and how much better than that goddamn Story book) she was?

"God, you're so beautiful," Joss said, and was leaning in to her friend before her words had even registered in her own head.

That was the thing about Alex: as impulsive as Joss could be, Alex was the only person who ever made her feel things that she didn't even realize she was feeling. She was drawn to the girl, and always had been, but she had never realized the intensity of it until now.

Joss kissed Alex instinctively, lovingly, before Alex pulled away.

"Wait," Alex said, a question and confusion in her eyes.

"What?" Joss didn't know if Alex didn't want to be kissing her or if she was just being cautious, as she often was. The look Alex sent her as Joss stared at the girl's lips answered that for her.

"Nothing," Alex shook off, the confusion never leaving her face.

So Joss kissed her again, just as lovingly- but more passionately. Alex didn't have anything to worry about. She was perfect and absolutely stunning and Sally never deserved to have her, let alone hurt her. And Joss was determined to show her that.

X x x

To Joss, there was no feeling quite like the one she had after having sex with Alex. That probably seemed stupid, but post-coital time had never had that peacefully exhausted feeling like it had with Alex. Sure, Joss had slept with many men and afterwards her body felt satisfied and spent, but with Alex her mind and heart felt satisfied as well.

Alex had never looked sexier or more beautiful than she did right now, Joss decided. T-shirt hanging off her shoulder, hair disheveled, and Joss knew _exactly_ what Alex was wearing underneath that sheet (nothing). She smiled, feeling so content and fulfilled, and Alex smiled back. Joss could not resist the urge to lean over and kiss the girl propped up next to her. Joss felt Alex grin into the kiss and decided that there was no better feeling.

"Mmm," Joss squeaked through her smile, wanting to just hold Alex there next to her for the rest of the night (mojitos and _Golden Girls _in bed didn't sound too bad). "But I have to pee," she whined.

Alex laughed sweetly. "Well hurry up about it," she smiled.

Joss smacked one last kiss onto Alex's lips before hopping out of bed, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear and disappearing into the bathroom, throwing a sexy, sly smile behind her.

Alex hadn't felt this good in as long as she could remember, in every aspect. Sex with Joss was exciting and incredible, but afterward she felt absolutely relaxed. To lie around with Joss, stealing kisses and giggles, made Alex feel something that she wasn't entirely sure she had ever experienced. The attraction and chemistry that they shared, along with the comfortableness that they were fortunate enough to have with each other, was an unreal combination to Alex. She stretched and smiled to herself.

Joss's phone rang before the blond was back in the bedroom, shaking Alex from her peaceful daze.

"Do you want me to get that?" Alex called out to the girl.

"Who is it?"

Alex looked at the phone, all the way across the bed on the nightstand. So far away. And she was so comfortable. But she reached over reluctantly anyway.

"It's your sister."

Joss appeared suddenly and Alex was awestruck by how amazing she looked in just boy-cut underwear and a shirt.

"Fascinating."

Alex loved the way that Joss spoke. To look at the girl before knowing her, one may judgmentally guess that she was flighty or unintelligent, but the moment she spoke it became obvious that that was nowhere near the case.

Joss's tone during her phone conversation made it immediately evident that something was up. Alex felt herself becoming disappointed before she even knew what was going on. She knew that Joss didn't owe her anything- they were just friends and Joss had her own life- but Alex still couldn't help the hurt she felt.

Joss was sincerely sorry and unhappy to leave Alex so suddenly, which made Alex feel slightly better, but she was still leaving. Alex already had so many questions about the two of them; questions she didn't feel she had the right to ask. After all, Alex was the one who stated that they were just friends- that their first shower encounter was just for fun. How could she switch her feelings around so dramatically now? She couldn't.

So Joss kissed her on the cheek and she left, and once she was gone Alex cried. She was angrier at herself than anything else, though she did miss the feeling of Joss's body lying next to hers. She felt like an idiot. She _was_ an idiot. She swore that she wouldn't let this happen; she had been so happy to have a new friend. And now here she was, sad, alone and half-naked, crying over a girl that she could never really have.


End file.
